Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Photo-heart connection, number XI



This photo is not me . . . 


. . .  but it very well could be, and although I have no idea what she is thinking . . . I see deep thought
in the way she stands, contemplation as she stares into the distant horizon.

No, this is not me, but it may as well be.

I'm a deep thinker and I do quite like my quiet time to let my mind wander where it can or should. To
dream or just be. But for me there is a fine line between solitude and contemplation. Between feeling
peaceful and lonely.

  I've crossed over that line.  Too much thinking has made me second guess some things lately (yes, think pity party). As someone who doesn't get paid for my photography or the time it takes me to write and share my thoughts, there are days when I wonder why - why I continue to do it. But I surely don't know if at this point I could just stop either. I've thought about it - seriously thought about just walking away from the computer. Calling it done.

And here is where my truth comes in, and my insecurity. It's really about expectations, about what someone might say, or the fact that they didn't say anything at all.

But here is the thing...when I started blogging, I came here without those expectations, and for the very act
of sharing. I didn't even know what to expect. Somewhere along the line the expectation that wasn't, grew into one big expectation that by being here others would just show up and have something to say.

And then, this past week doing a Google search for what I can't remember, I came across an audio by Guy Finley, and it was as if he was speaking directly to me . . . 

He was talking about preparing for a banquet which really could be a metaphor for just about anything in
my life that I prepare for in advance. He was talking about preparing for a banquet and not having anyone show up. And isn't that always such a fear - I know it is for me - preparing for something,
taking the time and to have no one come.

And then what he said next, was like sliding down a slide with my name on it into a brick wall. He said, "The first one who celebrates the banquet is the one who prepares it." That the real preparation is the sacrifice that precedes the banquet. And he went on to say, "So the one who prepares the banquet whether or not anyone appears for it, if they have truly prepared something for the sake of the goodness of the preparation and the sacrifice involved, then such a person has lost nothing, in fact they have gained something whether or not it's attended."   

OH MY!! That completely spoke to ME!  And the more I thought about it the more I realized that it's in the process of taking photographs, of my thinking, and in my writing as well as in the sharing - that it IS in these exercises I do, that I grow as an artist, and as a person, whether or not they are seen or read.


Love, Kim
XO

{P.S.- The entire audio is a little under 7 minutes}
Sharing with Communal Global, Sweet Shot Tuesday, Tones on Tuesday



37 comments:

marygems said...

Hey Kim.
I hear you- with the over-thinking and all- but love where you got to with this post- you discovered a Kingdom Key ! Love it- God Bless you for sharing this truth about preparing a banquet- a rich and deep truth indeed.

My prayer for you is that God will be your God in every circumstance. I pray that in every season of your life you will seek Him, rely on Him, press into Him. I pray that you will be rooted in God your God, so that when things do not make sense, you will know deep that HE IS GOD, and HE'S GOT THIS. I pray in the name of Jesus, Who is the WAY, the TRUTH, the LIFE. Amen.

Looking forward to your next post!

Tina´s PicStory said...

moody pic! :)

Tina´s PicStory said...

not moody, but impressive pic :) sorry for my english :(

Nyonya said...

Hello Kim,
Please coontinue to write coz all your pictures and your writtings are in such deep thinking that it gives not only beautiful images but much deeper... as they really touch souls..

Shanna Helena said...

what a lovely way of telling things. i just love it. keep on writing. i love the photos in photo friday. great.

Nicki said...

amen sister! Your photography and journaling is greatly appreciated and inspiring to this follower.

Pieni Lintu said...

That IS beautiful!

Dina Lettre said...

I certainly hope you continue for a very long time, Kim...but I totally get what you're saying. I love seeing all of your beautiful water shots!

Jenni said...

Lovely shot...one wonders wht she is thinking.I do know it feels good sometimes when we are appreciated by others...but as your writer said...it's about what goes in to the effort tat is the true gift..not what others think. It's what brings us to the art we love whatever it is... That need to express ourselves. Nice story and so true.

Sherri B. said...

Kim, I have struggled with this also - your words resonate so deeply! I have questioned my intentions with my blog so many times, and am trying hard to simply enjoy the process whether "x" amount of people show up to read it. Just as in real life, I have found a small circle of blog friends that I treasure, and that is my ultimate reward. You are one of those friends...your words and images always speak to me, always have an effect, always touch my heart...I hope you will continue to write, photograph, and enjoy the process! xo

Tamar SB said...

Gorgeous picture, gorgeous thoughts! Well done, well done!

Kathryn said...

You hit on one of my big fears . . . I did infact have a party one time where no-one showed up. We all look to others to validate ourselves in some way but the gift really is in the doing-it-for-ourselves and what we get from it as a result. Know that you inspire many with your images and words and you certainly brighten my day.

Donna said...

Beautiful photo and the thought-provoking words that you share. That is a neat way of thinking about all of the work that goes into our blog posts!

Pride In Photos said...

I love this post...you have a lovely writing style.
Laurie

Molly said...

Really made me think..and yes I am prone to over thinking.

Mollyxxx

Deanna said...

Oh me...I think you wrote this post for me, dear one. As I approached this last weekend to sell my photography, I was very apprehensive...what if no one buys anything?? But I gave myself a talking to prior to the start of the sale and just said, what will be will be, and it will be a good experience. And I was pleasantly surprised. I do that with my blog sometimes as well, and then I have to stop and think about why I started my blog...not so much for the "showing up" but the sharing. And by that sharing I have discovered wonderful "friends" like you!!

Bia Hain said...

Ah, muitas vezes já me peguei assim, observando o horizonte...linda imagem, um abraço!

Mirante da imagem

Kat Sloma said...

So. Very. True. Come by and read my blog today Kim, I wrote something on a similar/related topic. We do what we do for us, first and foremost. When we do anything for that reason it doesn't matter how many people show up with us. We have gained. Thank you for this wonderful Photo-Heart Connection! Keep doing what you are doing, as long as its rhe right thing for you.

Linda R said...

I have felt this way so many times. And I usually get lots of comments. I think my problem is I don't have trust in myself or my ability. My creative cards are just so so.. and my photos are just so so. and I can't write worth a bean. When I am hopping around to blogs I get so inspired I fell I don't compare to all the talented folks out there.

And then I have to slap myself, Because I really do love creating and blogging gives me a way to express it.

I know I am kinda new to your blog but I love to see your wonderful photos and you write so well. I do hope you continue.

Hugs~

Patti Groetsema said...

So - have you been creeping in my mind??
These thoughts have crossed my mind over & over & over through the years since I started blogging.
I always get discouraged when I don't see comments on my blog, but then I remind myself - how many blogs I read & do I leave comments for them?
I've come to accept the fact that I just have to trust and believe that someone is finding something good in what I post, whether or not they comment. It's faith......like my faith in God. I can't see Him, but I know without a doubt that He is real in my life.
I love your work.....both photos & your writing. Please know that you inspire me every single day that I read your blog.
Thank you for sharing & not giving up. You would be missed at least by me.

Brenda said...

I think we all begin this process of blogging and sharing our images coming from that place of no expectation - just from the desire to share. But as you said so very eloquently, somewhere along the way, we begin to count our comments, our Twitter followers, our Google Analytics visitors, our feed subscribers, etc. and it suddenly turns into something else - where the worth of what we do is measured by those numbers. And how our numbers compare to the numbers of others.

Thank you for sharing this wisdom.

Linda Makiej said...

simply wonderful!

Jade @ Tasting Grace said...

That's a beautiful thought and I'm glad you found some inspiration and peace in it! This is a really gorgeous photo and I hope the stillness and contemplation is mirrored within as well.

Viv (modifica) said...

That could be written for me Kim. Again as someone who photographs and writes for herself I connect ....

Becs said...

A truly beautiful image and I love, love what you wrote. I've experienced similar emotions and you've expressed it so beautifully. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly.

Nancy Claeys said...

When I start to question why I blog, I strive to remember that I am recording my life to view at a later time when I'm no longer able to take photos or write.

Who does that? We do. You are leaving a legacy for yourself and your family. And that's important.

Liz said...

WOW, Kim!! This could have been me writing this post (but you articulate it so better than I could).
I too, entered the blogging world almost 18 months ago with no real expectations but to write my thoughts, share a few photos and possibly find some kindred spirits. I never imagined my passion for photography to develop to what it has or to "meet" so many wonderful & encouraging people.
For now, I have lost the ability to write & journal. I do hope it's not for too much longer as my mind thinks too much and is such a muddle of thoughts and feelings.
Thank you for sharing this and your image is so lovely!

Sandra said...

What a lovely reflective image! Isn't it wonderful to liberate ourselves from expectations?! We sometimes limit ourselves with our own mind set and when we let go of that all falls into place!
Thank you for coming into my place and for your friendly comments. Also, welcome as a follower too! So nice to see you! Sandra

Danelle M said...

I think everyone who blogs goes through this. I know I have! It's fun when you start, then you raise your expectations about getting comments, or making money, or whatever. Then it starts to feel like work and it's no fun anymore. At which point you either decide to quit, or go back to doing it for fun and for your own personal joy and stop worrying about what other people think. I love the thoughts you shared. :)

Bo Mackison said...

Yes, creating art, writing, putting it out into the universe -- it all is first of all meaning-making for you. The rest is icing on the cake.

Love the photo -- could be me too. I am always off staring out at the beauty of nature. Lovely.

Cathy H. said...

I love what you've written here! It comes at a time that I've been struggling with blogging! We do expect to much don't we! I like your reminder that we do it for ourselves and we learn and grow each time we photograph and post!

Zena said...

Wonderful photo-heart connection. I can relate to your thoughts because when I first started my blog I had that fear. I was looking for some kind of visibility,an audience, as I was tired of hiding my true voice but then -as you- I realized that at the end of the day it is my courage, my decision to be open to share once and again what really matters

Janet Bocciardi said...

Been there for sure... it's why I stopped having the follower count, etc. It was just added pressure that had nothing to do with why I create. Why I share. What I learn from looking closer.

The time you take to review your photos and in writing your beautiful words allows you to re-live that wonderful moment again and perhaps even see something you didn't see or think of before.

I'm always surprised when someone writes something and tells me they've been following for awhile, but it was the first time they felt they had something to say. If only they knew even just a "word" nod is enough.

kelly said...

kim, i think you have expressed perfectly what everyone person who has every composed a blog post feels. you pour your heart and soul or photo or thought or whatever out onto the screen. then 'publish'. and it goes out into the world. somewhere. does anyone get it? does anyone care?

i think as bloggers the true joy comes in doing just as you say - first and foremost for ourselves. to celebrate our live. to share our passion/photos. this art. this way of looking at life. it needs to get out.

i for one have been so blessed by your art and your thoughts. you say something and in my heart i say, 'i know exactly what you mean.' and that's the beauty.

thank you for sharing your beauty with all of us. the world is a better place because of it.

love, kelly

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Jeanne said...

Such a very thoughtful, and thought provoking post Kim. Something that i went through a long time ago on my blogging. It is fun to have the "audience", but the really important thing for me is the personal growth, and the added incentive to go out and get some photos that I would never be doing without my blog. It is such a growth opportunity. It also helps me to see many of the tiny things in life that I have never really paid attention to in the past. I also love seeing all of the positives in the many blogs that i enjoy. There is so much negative going on in the world around us, and getting in here, and seeing the new ideas, and the beauty gives me added hope for humanity. I have to say also that I always love what you share, and seek out your blog for its never ending interest! and your projects.

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