"Searching for the writing on the wall"
I've typed, deleted, typed some more and deleted again.
I just can't quite put what I'm thinking, feeling, into the right words.
As a parent, the moment your child is born you do the best you can to protect them all the while preparing them for life away from the nest. Keeping them under your protective wing as they learn to fly, giving them a soft landing when they fall. But try as we may, there is just no way to protect them from everything. Some things are just not in our control.
I've mentioned a few times here that my son has been really sick. Fever, weakness, extreme fatigue, body aches and joint pains. Not the flu, or a sinus infection, or a recurrence of bronchitis. But the kind of sick when you know something is just not right.
On Monday we had our second set of blood work done, and on Tuesday night the doctor called and was quite concerned about the inflammation marker that was 30 times what it should be. And the next thing out of her mouth was, "I need you to go straight to the ER at Texas Children's Hospital, they are expecting you." Wait did she just say ER? And not only were they expecting us, but they took us over an entire lobby of waiting people . . . where a few short hours later we would be admitted and on the 15th floor complete with our own "team yellow" set of doctors.
The thing is about this inflammation marker, is that it only tells you that you have inflammation, it just doesn't tell you why. And unfortunately his symptoms fell into a slush bowl of things it could be. When they don't point to a specific path it then becomes a process of elimination, one slow thing after another. We are now home, still without any definitive answers, but our path and direction has been narrowed to Rheumatology.
You're probably wondering what this photo has to do with a heart connection. Well, this was the photo I was working on for photo art Friday (prompt being graffiti) on Tuesday and finished literally minutes before the doctor called. And after this week I wasn't even thinking about a blog post, but because I had already done this photo I thought I would just go ahead and share it. But when I looked at it again, it spoke to me in a completely different way, I saw it immediately. Trains and tracks became the narrowing of answers, and the brick wall texture I added became the uncertainty of a diagnosis. The graffiti on the train is illegible and there is no writing on the wall as to what this will all mean in the future.
All I know is that I have an almost 16 year old boy, an incredible young man, student and athlete, that has been stopped in his tracks. Who struggles right now to pop open a can of soda, or to unscrew the lid on the Gatorade, who is fatigued just walking up the stairs.
It's so hard to watch,
and completely breaks my heart.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.
Next week we have a follow up with the Rheumatologist, hopefully with some completed blood
tests and a little closer to an answer.
Until then, I wish you a blessed Easter weekend,
Some of you already knew this, and I can't thank you enough for your prayers and concerns!!