Friday, March 29, 2013

Searching for the writing on the wall . . . photo-heart connection, number 3



"Searching for the writing on the wall"

I've typed, deleted, typed some more and deleted again. 
I just can't quite put what I'm thinking, feeling, into the right words.

As a parent, the moment your child is born you do the best you can to protect them all the while preparing them for life away from the nest. Keeping them under your protective wing as they learn to fly, giving them a soft landing when they fall. But try as we may, there is just no way to protect them from everything. Some things are just not in our control. 

 I've mentioned a few times here that my son has been really sick. Fever, weakness, extreme fatigue, body aches and joint pains. Not the flu, or a sinus infection, or a recurrence of bronchitis. But the kind of sick when you know something is just not right. 

On Monday we had our second set of blood work done, and on Tuesday night the doctor called and was quite concerned about the inflammation marker that was 30 times what it should be. And the next thing out of her mouth was, "I need you to go straight to the ER at Texas Children's Hospital, they are expecting you." Wait did she just say ER?  And not only were they expecting us, but they took us over an entire lobby of waiting people . . . where a few short hours later we would be admitted and on the 15th floor complete with our own "team yellow" set of doctors.

The thing is about this inflammation marker, is that it only tells you that you have inflammation, it just doesn't tell you why. And unfortunately his symptoms fell into a slush bowl of things it could be. When they don't point to a specific path it then becomes a process of elimination, one slow thing after another. We are now home, still without any definitive answers, but our path and direction has been narrowed to Rheumatology. 

 You're probably wondering what this photo has to do with a heart connection. Well, this was the photo I was working on for photo art Friday (prompt being graffiti) on Tuesday and finished literally minutes before the doctor called. And after this week I wasn't even thinking about a blog post, but because I had already done this photo I thought I would just go ahead and share it. But when I looked at it again, it spoke to me in a completely different way, I saw it immediately. Trains and tracks became the narrowing of answers, and the brick wall texture I added became the uncertainty of a diagnosis. The graffiti on the train is illegible and there is no writing on the wall as to what this will all mean in the future. 

All I know is that I have an almost 16 year old boy, an incredible young man, student and athlete, that has been stopped in his tracks. Who struggles right now to pop open a can of soda, or to unscrew the lid on the Gatorade,  who is fatigued just walking up the stairs. 

It's so hard to watch,
 and completely breaks my heart.


Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.

Next week we have a follow up with the Rheumatologist, hopefully with some completed blood
tests and a little closer to an answer.

Until then, I wish you a blessed Easter weekend,
Love, Kim
XO

Some of you already knew this, and I can't thank you enough for your prayers and concerns!! 






42 comments:

Deanna said...

Oh Kim, words are not enough to express how deeply I am feeling your pain for your son. So, so difficult to watch your children suffer...but he is in good care, they will find an answer and I pray that he will be feeling better soon. Have a blessed Easter, my friend. Lotsa prayers your way.

pam said...

Thank you for sharing. Prayers are on the way. I know how you feel. SO helpless when YOU as a parent can't do something for them. To see a child suffer is heart wrenching as a parent. Even harder when you are just waiting....I found it so hard to finally give things up to God and say "I know what you are doing has a reason" but it does provide relief in some ways. Hold him tight to you. Praying that you have some answers soon and some relief for your son. Hang in there and know you are supported by your blogging community.

Molly said...

I think seeing your child sick is one of the hardest things as a parent. I hope you get the answers you need soon and he is on the road to recovery

Mollyxxx

Kim Cunningham said...

I came here after my email to you to hear your latest. I'm so sorry! It is hard to watch a child suffer. We've been through a few scary health moments with ours and it is never easy. I will continue to pray for you and your son. I'll pray for solid answers soon, and strength in the wait.

Nicki said...

Oh Kim - this breaks my heart and I am praying for your son and all the doctors to find out what is going on and provide him a healthful recovery. I would burden 10 sickness to spare my children even one.

{hugs}

Jeanne said...

I am so glad that you got a minute to post this as i have been very worried about you. Can really imagine how frightening this is for you, but he will get better. Not knowing what something is is the most scary! Will say that there are some very talented pediatric folks out there Kim, and they will get this sorted out and controlled. I will definitely be praying for you and for Sam. Just hang in there. Seek out the scriptures that will speak to you, and trust!! So glad that you were able to share this.

My Garden Diaries said...

I will be praying hard for your sweet boy. And I will be praying for you as well. I can't even imagine what you are experiencing right now. I hope andwers come quick so that they can get him on the path to getting better.

msdewberry said...

I am so sorry to hear this, there is nothing harder and more helpless than when your child is ill. It doesn't matter how old or young they are. I am praying they find out what is wrong and he is better soon. Take care of yourself as well in the process.

Bonnie said...

Oh Kim ... my heart goes out to you. There's little worse than watching our children suffer, not knowing the cause, and not knowing how to relieve their suffering.

It's good to know a team of specialists are on the case. Hopefully you will soon have some answers and a treatment plan.

Your interpretation of the photo-art for PAF is stunning and uncanny.

Sending you and your family love and light ... xox

Sherri B. said...

Oh Kim, you and your son (and whole family) are in my thoughts and prayers...there's no greater worry than the worry we have for our children when they aren't well. I hope there will be answers soon, and that your son will be on his way to healing. Your photo is beautiful, especially after you described how it relates to your current circumstances...look at all that beautiful light shining in on it. I hope that's a sign that a happy resolution will be coming soon. {{{Mom Hugs}}} to you!

acreativeharbor.com said...

Fantastic photo! Wow! ~ Sending you lots of healing hugs and distant reiki healing for you, your son and your family ~ artmusedog and Carol

Rosie Grey said...

Oh, Kim, I'm so sorry - my thoughts are with you! Sending lots of love and hugs and wishing you a Happy Easter and keeping my fingers crossed for the best!

Brenda said...

So very, very scary to not know. To have so many questions without answers. My thoughts are with you, your son and your family. I hope you receive the answers, a diagnosis and a plan for recovery very soon. Happy Easter!

June Caedmon said...

I'm so sorry, Kim. Praying for answers, acceptance, comfort.

Carol said...

Dear Kim, sending loving thoughts, strength and healing vibes to you and Sam from across the oceans. May you have good news soon. Carol xox

Evelyn S. said...

I've followed a little on Instagram, but didn't know any specifics. I'm so sorry you and your son are going through this. (I know you don't need advice, but has Lyme Disease been considered?) I pray that a diagnosis will be found soon.

Ida said...

Sending you hugs and prayers for your son.

Your piece is thought provoking and very well done.

Ida said...

Sending you hugs and prayers for your son.

Your piece is thought provoking and very well done.

http://vivhalliwell.com said...

My thoughts are with you my friend I have some knowledge of what you are going through my son was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome at the age of 11 , he is now 24, the waiting for the diagnoses and seeing your child in so much pain and fatigue breaks your heart. So my friend big and gentle hugs to you and yor son and I will be thinking of you this week ...

...melody... said...

Oh my...thinking about you and your family during this trying time. Positive thoughts sent your way! xo

Kathryn said...

Kim, I'm so very sorry. I know what it's like to be ill and not have immediate answers. Hopefully the new set of blood tests will shed some light on things and give the answers you need in terms of a diagnosis and treatment. In the meantime sending you, your son and the rest of your family HUGE hugs. xoxo

Linda R said...

OH NO... I am so sorry to hear this news. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. You and your family will be in my prayers my friend.

Big Hugs~

Currie Silver said...

Kim, I am so sorry for this passage you and your son and your entire family is in Now; I completely understand the place of NOT knowing and knowing only something is wrong.

I am glad you found your BEautimous voice to express in words and images what is happening a Time out of Time sort of place.

I love the way "we all" can gather round one another from wherever we are in the World, lifting one another up and BEing safe harbours.

I will hold you and your son in my prayers and thoughts.

Much love to you this Easter Sunday.

Melissa Bliss Rich said...

Oh Kim,

I am so very sorry to hear this. I hadn't realized he was still so sick.

What is going on with the world? It seems everything is off kilter these days. So many of my friends seem to be struggling with hardships. It makes me heart heavy.

I will keep you all in my prayers. ((hugs))

Kelly said...

Kim, I had to tell myself to breathe reading your words-the anguish I know you must be feeling. I'm sorry doesn't seem to do this post justice but I am so sorry you have to go through this and I'm here for you ... Always just a phone call or a text away. Be strong my friend. You're in my thoughts

Nancy said...

Dear Kim, You don't know me, but I wish to add my support and prayers. The blog world connects us in such strange ways! As a mom, a nurse, and a fellow pray-er, may I remind you to lean on those around around you and be comforted knowing many are praying. God has promised to walk beside us! Courage!

Adrienne said...

We went through a long, confusing thing with my son and his heart (of all things!) We finally got to the bottom of it - and got it corrected - but geesh was it a long, confusing process. I feel with you, will continue to pray for you all and admire your heart as you strive to trust God through it all. Am linking up to photo heart connection for the first time - what a wonderful link up!! Glad I found you (and it!)

teri said...

I am pretty new to your blog- but my heart breaks for you. This image has taken on such a deep and crushing meaning.Prayers for you and your boy.((*))

Jennifer said...

Wow, this touched me deeply. There I don't know you well and have only been reading your blog for a short time but I wanted to let you know that your son is in my thoughts and prayers. Sending positive, healing thoughts your way ~

Linda/patchwork said...

Kim....I know how it feels, to have one of your children experience serious health problems.

My prayers go out for all of you. I pray the doctors find the cause and it gets all fixed VERY soon.

Take care, and God bless.

Maria Ontiveros said...

Kim,
It is a beautiful photo, but mostly I want to say that I will keep you and your son in my thoughts and prayers. I know the difficulty of having a family member become seriously ill and the uncertainty while waiting for progress. Sending lots of healing thoughts your way,
Rinda (from PHC)

Sandra said...

My thoughts go out to you as you worry about your 16 year-old son. I hope that an appropriate treatment can soon be found for him as soon as the doctors come to a decision on the cause of the symptoms.
May you find the strength to be the rock your son needs right now. There is nothing quite so powerful as a mother's love.
In your photo-heart connection photo, I can see lots of golden light - even though the writing is as yet unseen.

Cathy H. said...

Kim, I'm so sorry to hear about your son! I know the waiting for all the results and decisions to be made is an incredibly hard time! Please know that you and your family will be in my prayers.

inotherwordsandpictures.com said...

May God's love and comfort minister to all of your needs and His touch bring healing to your son in Jesus name..

Miriam said...

Oh Kim, I am so sorry to read your post. I will keep you & your family in my thoughts and prayers. It is the hardest thing and the best thing to be a mother...be strong, lean on your family.

Michele at Sweet Leaf said...

My thoughts are with you, Kim. I'm a medical Librarian by day. So when you finally do get a diagnosis, I'd be honored to do any research you might want ... I have access to many resources that are not available free on the internet. Visiting from Photo-Heart Connection.

Susan said...

I loved this image the moment I opened it. I am drawn to these scenes of RR, tracks, of graffiti. Often I don't understand the appeal, what the images speak. How telling for you to find it in your and your son and family's current journey.
I cannot say I understand-I don't know this health problem, but I hope that team yellow will continue to narrow the field and be able to pinpoint the cause and find the solution.
I did go thru a different health related event-watching the puzzled faces-it did take months-but during that time I did improve. I had a gazillion tests-but finally the cause was found and treatment begun. I wish that for you as it is emotionally very helpful.
Sending warm thoughts and positive energy and strength.

gina said...

Your image speaks of the unknown, but also is full of light and hope. Wishing you strength and courage in this difficult time. Sending healing love your way.....

patty said...

hi kim-i'm so sorry for what your son, you and your family are going through. not knowing is difficult at best; i hope by now you have some answers and some resolutions, too. will be praying for all of you.

xo

Kat Sloma said...

Oh, Kim, my heart is in my throat at reading this. You are right... we do everything in our power to protect our children and we just can't control everything. It's not something I've thought much about, not having face something like this. I can only image how scary it is to have this unknown thing going on. I am glad you have good support with your doctors and healthcare to figure out what is going on. Thank you for sharing what is happening, and for showing us how this experience translates into your feelings and interpretation of your art for the Photo-Heart Connection. My heart is with you both.

Prairie Jill said...

So sorry to hear about your son's struggles - best wishes to you and him. Thank you for this beautiful post.

Carolyn Phillips said...

I don't know you. I've come here via the Photo Heart Connection - but as I read this my heart cried out for you in prayer. Thank you for a beautiful post at such a difficult time.

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