Tuesday, May 28, 2013

My thoughts from the CT room . . .


"True courage is not the absence of fear 
but the willingness to proceed in spite of it."
- Anonymous



It's Friday, May 24, and we have arrived at Texas Children's Hospital. It's 3 o'clock.

We didn't have to wait too long before they called our name and we are now waiting for the vascular access team to come in and find a large enough vein in his leg that can handle the pressure of the contrast, the dye that will allow them to see his coronary arteries and the arteries that lead to his kidneys. 

And here they are, complete with an ultrasound machine. It's pretty fascinating to watch them find the vein they want to use this way, and just like that they're finished and he has an IV in his calf. The tech says there is one person in front us and we are next. Yes!

There is not a clock in the room, but I'm pretty sure I hear one ticking . . . it's been almost an hour and a half and I'm getting really nervous because my daughter has her very last, ever, choir pop show at 7:00 - she is a senior. And of all the visits here, today is the day I don't bring anything to read?

It almost feels like someone just forgot us in here . . .I haven't seen anyone in a while, a long while. I have to go into the hallway and pace for a moment, and breathe, because this is stressful enough without having to tell my daughter we will most likely miss her show. I'm on the verge of tears . . .but as I'm standing there and walking back and forth I realize this hallway is right next to the ER. I can hear a young child crying and they are wheeling two children, one just an infant, on gurneys to the elevators . . . they are being admitted. I feel like Alice in Wonderland, and every where I turn the hallways seem to shrink. There is a sense of panic for all these sick children.

I go back into the room and thankfully someone comes in  . . . they are about to put an IV in a child behind the curtain next to us. She is young and she really doesn't want that IV and it breaks your heart to hear her plead to not have it. I ask the tech about how much longer and explain my sense of urgency.

Finally after an over two hour wait, it's our turn and we walk around the corner to the CT room. And my son lays on the table and they try to flush his IV and it goes into his vein and just stops. The IV has gone bad and we now have to go back to the other room and wait for the VAT team again. They assured us we would not lose our spot. They try the other leg and after a long attempt the tech just can't get the right angle and he has to try the foot. There is concern that this vein may not be large enough to handle the pressure from the contrast and there is a possibility it could rupture. 

We go back into the CT room just to be told that the doctor overseeing this test had to run to a meeting because it took so long to finally get the IV. BACK to the other room . . . we are never going to make my daughters show . . . it's now 6 p.m. But thankfully only a few minutes later they came back and said the doctor had returned.

They do a test flush of his IV and it is still intact. We want to stay in the room with him so one of the tech's brings us each a vest to put on and we stand against a row of cabinets. Another tech, a woman, stays with Sam and keeps her hand on his foot to feel the vein even though they are monitoring the pressure in the other room.

You can hear them firing up the machine, it sounds like an engine, and the doctor comes over to talk to us. He tells us this test will tell us a few things . . . if this is an asymptomatic anomaly, if there will be an exercise reduction or if he will need surgery. We knew based on a certain outcome that surgery might be an option, but his is the first time someone has actually said it to us out loud.  He is just 15!

The doctor returns to the room behind the glass and you can see serious discussion going on in there. I wish I read lips . . .they inject the contrast into his vein . . . his pulse shoots from 77 to 99 and as soon as she gives the thumbs up that the vein is okay, his pulse plummets. My husband grabs my hand and I see a tear out of the corner of his eye. I close my eyes and begin to pray . . . Lord, I wouldn't at all be opposed to a miracle here today, thank you . . . Amen.

The test only takes a few minutes . . . it's done. The doctor had told us before the test that he would bring us back to see the pictures. It was only about 20 feet from where we were standing, but it sure felt like it took a long time to get there. I feel so hesitant, like when you are watching a scary movie hiding your eyes behind your hands. He begins by showing us the left coronary artery . . . and then . . . there it is, his right coronary artery right where it is supposed to be! And his arteries to his kidneys . . . no stenosis (narrowing).

We walk out into the hallway, my son  goes to the bathroom, my husband and I  . . . weep in an embrace in the hallway. Such a huge weight has been lifted.

We even made it before the intermission was over to the second half of our daughter's pop show! 

Through all of this, my son has shown us what true courage is.

And P.S.- Today I'm over at Focusing on life (click here) - Have you ever waited for inspiration to hit only to be waiting? Something I realized in the last few months is that even though I haven't necessarily felt inspired, I picked up my camera anyway. . . turns out it's the action that inspires.Come join me as I share some thoughts on this.

Love, Kim
XO


33 comments:

Andrea Dawn said...

Weeping for joy with you all, Kim. Thanks for this post that allows us to follow along this difficult journey you are on.

Tamar SB said...

Oh Kim. What you are being put through. So happy the news was good!!!!! And that you made it for the second part of the show!!

A Garden of Threads said...

I am so glad to hear all is well, stress for a child is so hard. Remember to breathe and believe. Blessed be.

Pride In Photos said...

I am weeping with you after reading this post. A Parent having to watch a child suffer in anyway is so painful my friend. So happy the news was good.

Southern Gal said...

What a huge relief for you all. I'm so sorry he (and you) has to go through this.

Andee said...

Oh I am so glad to hear the good news and I am so glad you made it to the show! Keep the good things coming.

Adrienne said...

I've been right where you were - thankfully only a very few times, and ... very thankfully, all ended well. The thing about the clock ticking - but there not being actual ticking...I wrote about that in my journal after a stay in the ER with my son one time. Continued prayers - glad these results were so good!

Barbara said...

OMG Kim my heart goes out to you to be able to write all of this and write it so well. I was ok until you talked about your husband and the tear. Hang in there, so praying all is well soon.

Dotti said...

Oh, Kim! Such wonderful news!! Now you know you can deal with the rest of it. And he will prevail. xo

Barb said...

I just read about your experience in the CT room. Although I am not up to date on your son's illness, this post was very, very powerful. I was truly moved, and happy for you.

Kathy McB said...

Looks like some prayers have been answered :)

Nancy @ A Rural Journal said...

Great news Kim. So happy for your son and your family. *big sigh of relief*

Leigh said...

What wonderful news Kim!!! I know this has to be a huge relief for you all. Sam has been so brave through all of this!

Rob said...

Kim, Thank you for sharing your story. I feel a little like an intruder, but I read your post at "Just Write". I am so happy for your son and your family that everything turned out so well - with a tear in my eye and a sigh of relief.
Rob

sherrygaley said...

Such true courage being shown by all of you. I am humbled.

Deanna said...

God is good!! So happy, happy, happy to hear this wonderful news!!

Patrice said...

Great news - what a relief!

Cathy H. said...

Kim, so glad you shared your story today. I can't imagine being in your shoes! So thankful that all went well and you made it to part of the show! Take care!

Kelly said...

Oh Kim. What relief. I held my breath reading this and felt everything u felt. Is Sam in the clear? Please keep us posted. And so happy u made it to your daughters show.

Karen @ Pieces of Contentment said...

What a relief, like your lives have been given back to you, intact.

Kim Cunningham said...

I could feel my blood pressure rising with your words! I'm so relieved for you! And Sam! It's been a harrowing few months! Please tell Sam that there are several strangers lifting him up in prayer! Hoping this is the point where you all can move forward with health and peace.

Comfypjs said...

You had me on the edge of my chair while reading this but I will tell you one thing......
That is answered prayer right there! Almighty God knows and sees and hears. AND HE answered!! Thank you Lord! And I am so happy that your husband was right there by your side and that you made your daughter's performance too. Doing a happy dance for you :)

Vickie Hallmark said...

So relieved to read your treat news!

Miriam said...

Keeping you in my thoughts Kim. x

slsmyth said...

Worry about our children is so much different than worry about ourselves. So happy to hear that all went well with the test!

TesoriTrovati said...

Oh dear, Miss Kim! This is a harrowing experience. I am so happy that things look better for your son. He really is the model of courage. Let him know that I am praying for him, for you, for strength to face the fear and peace at the outcome. Enjoy the day. Erin

P.S. Bravo to your daughter! Happy graduation!

Jade @ Tasting Grace said...

Oh wow that's intense, and requires some serious courage indeed--from all of you. I'm so glad you got such good news, and were able to be there for your daughter too!

http://vivhalliwell.com said...

My thoughts are with you all I hope you will get some answers soon....

June Caedmon said...

Amen, Kim, PTL! Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I pray writing it down is a therapy for you. God is close.

Linda/patchwork said...

Thank God, for some good news.

I know just how scary it is to have a child having health problems.

Hang in there.

Ida said...

Can't imagine how stressful this all must be for you and your family. Thank goodness you had some better news. Keep the Faith.

Kathryn said...

What your son and your family have been going through is so hard. There were many aspects to this post that I found myself relating to . . . the questions, the panic, the confusion and especially the ticking clock (even if there isn't one)!!! Sam sounds very brave, must take after his mom. Glad the news was good, thinking of you guys. Kathryn xoxo

Anita Johnson said...

Wow...my prayers are with you

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