Tuesday, February 10, 2015

I can see clearly now . . .


"We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did
this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for
every moment of happiness that comes our way."

- Author Unkown

When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.
When you go to the sunrise without your tripod mount,
you make abstract images.

This was the Friday of the bad week I mentioned last week. My boy was home from school for the second time in a week because of an arthritis flare, which was making it difficult for him to walk.

I decided to head out to the sunrise for a little therapy, meditation, solitude . . . to one of my meeting places with God. Unlike me, He is never late. (stop laughing Michelle) ;)

When I made it to the top of the bridge I could see the sky was gorgeous. I parked and got out to get my tripod and realized I hadn't put my tripod mount on my camera. But when I went to fetch it out of my bag, it wasn't there. I could not find it anywhere . . . so instead of fight the slow shutter speed and bump my ISO into oblivion I just went with the flow...literally.... 







...until there was enough light to hand hold without (unintentional) camera blur.





This weeks song-ography is kinda perfect for my day . . . I can see clearly now, by Jimmy Cliff . . . 

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright, bright, sunshine day.



After the sunrise, I went to the nearby Starbucks for my usual Salted Caramel Mocha, and had intended to bring my journal and a photography book . . . which I also somehow managed to leave at home on my kitchen table. 

So I sat down with my overflowing coffee at a table, the only table left in between two other occupied tables. I was having a hard time that morning . . . some days are harder when you're managing a child with a chronic illness, and no 17 year old should have trouble walking because of arthritis. No 17 year old should have to tell his mom he feels old when he gets out of a car. So yeah, with this flare he had I was feeling really sad for him.

As I was sipping my coffee, the song "Hallelujah" started playing, and that's about all it took for me to lose it. As in, I had to go outside with my coffee because I couldn't cry quietly, because I didn't want to cry quietly. I wanted to scream . . . this, this isn't fair!

I quickly finished my coffee, took the mug back inside and preceded to take a very brisk walk on the boardwalk that overlooks the bay. I came to the railing and just stood there. I was feeling angry, and I'm pretty sure I used some curse words. It was a windy morning and as I was standing there watching the waves, suddenly I notice a huge rock, a boulder being pounded by the waves. Being completely engulfed in the water and then reappearing. 











And almost instantaneously I feel calmer, and get this urgent feeling to go back to the car and get my camera. I wanted to document this conversation I was having with God.

He was trying to remind me that when I try to stand alone there is no solid foundation. But when I put all my trust in Him, he will take the brunt of all the waves that crash in. He will hold me steady when I cannot stand on my own. 


{KK love}

The rest of the lyrics go like this . . . 

Oh yes, I can make it now the pain is gone.
All of the bad feelings have disappeared.
Here is the rainbow I've been praying for,
It's gonna be a bright, bright, sunshine day.

I can see clearly now . . . . as long as I keep my eyes (and ears) wide open to what He is telling me. Life is, always will be, full of adversity. And there is hope in overcoming it when our feet are standing on a firm foundation, and when we also question all the happy moments that come our way!

. . . when we choose to see the rainbow, and not the clouds. 

Love, Kim










32 comments:

Tamar SB said...

Sending you a huge HUG! So sorry Sam is dealing with this. So sorry you're dealing with this.

Hang in there - soak in the sunrises and clarity when you find it!

Nicola SeaThreePeeO Carpenter said...

I hope your son is feeling better soon. What amazing pictures and what a great outlook on things not going your way.

Nicola SeaThreePeeO Carpenter said...

I hope your son is feeling better soon. What amazing pictures and what a great outlook on things not going your way.

Nicki said...

So often the answer isn't want we thought it should be - sometimes the answer is to let it out - SCREAM - release - and return to fight another day. Another blogger posted about how every person we pass today is fighting the battle. Every person. 3/4 of the time it isn't fair - and it's not enough to say "I get it, life is tough" - damn it, sometimes it just seems to gang up on some people (like 17 year olds) who haven't lived enough to appreciate that even when life isn't fair, life is great.

Bless your time to regroup spiritually and emotionally and much prayers for your son.

Your images are fantastic and that first one - oh my!

Deanna said...

Oh I know how difficult it must be watching your son suffer the way he does. It makes my heart happy tho that you are able to maintain your faith and know that God is taking the blunt and He is there holding you up to fight another day. Hugs!!

Sheila said...

Such a beautiful post. So sorry for what your son (and you) are going through. Gorgeous images, I especially love the first two - the colors are amazing.

Kerri Farley said...

This made me cry..... such a wonderful post!
I do hope your son is feeling better!

AnnMarie aka Vintage Junkie aka NaNa said...

You put an everyday struggle into words so eloquently that it made me feel that I am not alone! I too have an almost 17 year old living with complications from CP and being born at 28 weeks. I love the quote at the beginning by the Unknown Author. We must live day to day, depending on God to measure our steps and not question his plan. SO HARD!

Rebecca said...

Glad you had some time to center yourself. I know another little Sam, he was in a car accident and is relearning everything. We are still praying his eye sight will return soon - his hearing returned a couple weeks ago. I will pray for your Sam too since it will be easy to remember 2 Sams.

sherrygaley.com said...

Oh my goodness, Kim, you are truly an inspiration. It is so true tat we can't control what happens to us but we can control the meaning we make of it all. And you show us how...

Julie's Lifestyle said...

I'm so sorry for your situation. Thanks for sharing these lovely photos at Stephanie's party - they are beautiful!
Julie at Julie's Lifestyle

Kim Cunningham said...

This is just so so beautiful and I could feel your faith rising like the tide in your words. God can handle our tears, screams, and curse words. He can take it. He knows and He has compassion for us. I love that you broke down at Hallelujah. It's such a perfect time to cry because praising in the midst of storm really does cause us to let go of what we are trying to control. I'm so so sorry that S is facing this on-going trial and I'm so sorry for you having to watch this happen to him. I pray that healing comes in many forms in these next months. I will keep praying for your family. You are amazing and thank you for sharing.

Adrienne said...

I have stood right there. Watching that rock....oh, you know. Not exactly right there, or exactly that rock. But I know that moment when the connection with God's spirit clears the clouds and moves back into my heart. I'm so sorry for your boy. Watching our young men hurt is so tough...my heart aches with him. And aches for his mama. I'll always remember this when I see water breaking over rocks. What brought you back will always be a reminder for me as well. Hugs.

Scrappy quilter said...

This just brought tears to my eyes. What a beautiful post. The photos are incredible.

Lisa Comperry said...

Beautiful pictures! I hope Sam is feels ng better this week..

Conniecrafter said...

wonderful way to look at it, love that quote, may God bring strength!

June Caedmon said...

Beautiful, Kim. Thank you. I've had some rather unquiet, tear-filled moments lately as well. This was a perfect reminder. Praying over your situation.

Sharon said...

Oh, Kim, I'm so sorry you are going through this pain. I know it's harder to watch your boy suffer than if you were the one battling disease. We mamas are just made that way. Your photos tell a beautiful story of the ebb and flow of sorrow. And weeping lasts for a night but joy comes in the morning. With a heart made of shells. Praying for you and your family.

Viv@Thoughts from the Desktop said...

Tears here Kim I so can emphasise with you. Standing there feeling helpness when your child is suffering... Know that you are not alone the wonderful community of souls are here to help to lsten and to offer virtual hugs...

carol said...

Kim -this is absolutely beautiful. It is truly awful that you and your son have to go through this. I don't know how you find the strength - but you are showing us all the way.
Hooe he feels better soon. He is lucky to have you to help him through it all.

Michelle B said...

It is hard seeing our kids hurting, and then we feel helpless even though we are doing everything possible to help. So sorry you and your son are going through all of this... I love your abstract images. Thank you for taking me to the beach today.

Roxi Hardegree said...

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. And prayers.

carolina rico said...

Oh wow Kim.... this post is really really beautiful. I really felt every word you said, and felt your pain. One of the things that I appreciate is that you were able to go outside and get a hold of your self, by thinking, praying, and crying. That song halleluiah is powerful and I always fell it like a prayer. Anyways Kim... I don´t know if it helps, because it is obviously very difficult to see your child in pain... but remember there are moms out there having it harder, be strong for them! You are very courageous and brave, your son is very lucky to have you!

carolina rico said...

almost forgot... those pictures are amazing!!!!!

Kathy McB said...

Kim, I think of you often and your son with his challenge. Yes, it's an illness. But even more so..it's a challenge. Sometimes you can only do so much and are limited when it comes to illness. But a challenge? You are only limited by your outlook and choices. And I have NO DOUBT both you AND your son are up for the challenge. That doesn't preclude moments of being overwhelmed and sorrow. But it's how you react to them that defines how you confront and react to the challenge. You have proven it time and time again...this post is just one brilliant example. And yes...the photography is certainly a tool you use to hurdle your challenge. Bravo and kudos to you. You are briliant! And your son I"m sure has inherited your brilliance. You will emerge from this stronger. Thank you for joining in at Song-ogrpahy. I am in awe at how you took this song and morphed it into your own. Thank you :)

Stephanie said...

My heart goes out to you, dear one. May you find strength and peace in the Lord...your son will continue to be in my prayers.

Your photos are pure loveliness - thank you for sharing at Roses of Inspiration. Hugs to you!

EarlK said...

Your slow shutter speed photos are wonderful . . . just like watercolor. Love the heart in the sand. But, the water and rock shots are fantastic. Your walk must have been calming.

Linda R said...

Oh Kim! This post is filled with so much heartfelt emotion, it had me tearing up! My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your son!

Hugs~

Patti G said...

I have to say I know what you are feeling in that God is always speaking to me, but am I always listening?
When I am "still", then I "know" He is God & always there. Through the good, the bad, the ugly & everything in between.
Amazing to know this Savior & feel His ever present love even in our darkest moments, isn't it?

Maggie said...

The rock is a great metaphor for what you are going through at the moment. You have to be a rock for your son, life is rocky, no matter how many waves crashed over it the rock stood firm and finally, God is your rock - every day!
How strong you are.
BTW your images are stunning!

Comfypjs said...

Kind of late reading this post but just wanted to let you know how inspiring it is!.
I know how hard it is for a mama to watch her son suffer, however; it is a blessing that you know that the only one to go to for the peace that you need is God.
Also those photos taken without enough light that caused camera shake are very neat.

CatieAn said...

Oh my goodness your photos are so beautiful and sharing your emotions show how human you are.
No mother wants her children to suffer and I am sorry your son is going through all this. It is so hard to be a care giver and a mother at the same time, especially when you can't make it better. The pictures and emotions together are amazing. I always like to think of God crying when His only son suffered so

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