Life seeking life . . .

I have at times called myself a finder of things and a seeker of light. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm finding things or if they are finding me, or maybe it's because on some days I have just enough courage to show up and we somehow meet in the middle.

The truth is, I don't always... have the courage to show up, that is. Sometimes showing up is just plain hard.

And about that light, it's not so much what comes from the rays of the sun or that golden hour, but what comes from His light. What I'm seeking is that light in all things. That deep spiritual connection that illuminates the path that on occassion can feel like it's traveled in the darkness.

This summer I feel like I lost my way a bit. The path just didn't feel as illuminated, not because the light wasn't there, because His always is....but because even though I looked I just couldn't see through the noise. My focus was off and my depth of field was too narrow.

I felt helpless.

I felt quiet.

I felt a little angry.

I felt a little sad.

I felt a little numb.

I was distracted.

As I mentioned in June, my sweet boy ended up in the hospital due to an abscess from a staff infection on his face. IV antibiotics and a plastic surgeon to drain it. But all that inflammation, well, it doesn't go away overnight and neither does the scarring. And after this last year and a half with his diagnosis of a rare form of juvenile arthritis, a heart scare, a bone marrow biopsy, a rare leg bleed and this . . . it's just a lot for a parent to process let alone a 17 year old.

We got home he didn't go anywhere this summer...I mean anywhere!

Not out with us,
not with friends,
not to strength and conditioning,
not to get his hair cut,
no where.

It's so very hard to watch your child try to navigate a chronic illness let alone the territory of being a teenager. It's so very hard as a mom, a parent, even if I'm not a control freak to not be able to make it better.

Yeah, that realization that I. can't. make. it. better.

Suddenly I found myself not wanting to go many places, even places that he wouldn't have gone anyway. Because it just didn't feel right for him to be home by himself.

I didn't write,
I didn't edit,
I rarely made it to my computer.

And then it happened. A couple of friends would stop by, then he went fishing and then football started. And little by little I saw glimpses of him returning to his old self. And just like that I felt my heart grow three sizes.

And yesterday, something clicked for me. I can't explain it really. I don't even know if this will make any sense. It was chapter 9, Life Seeking Life, in the book God Is at Eye Level.

I was at Starbucks...{I hadn't been inside all summer with my books and journal.} I found myself nodding my head, feeling like she had eavesdropped on my thoughts. How she is drawn into the pulse and heart beat of the world around her and to its pain and heart wrenching passions, and how she cries, in joy, at the things she witnesses.

Yes, yes, and yes.

She went on to tell the story of  a day when she was taking photographs along a wooden boardwalk when she heard what she thought were footsteps. When she finally turns to look it's a fawn that had been following her and when she reached out he put his sweet nose into her hand. By this time I'm starting to pack up because I feel a good cry coming on.

...deep breath

Here she was out looking for life and it found her! And you know what? That happened to me all summer, with the dragonflies especially. I may have been distracted by some of the noise that I probably created for myself, maybe even a roadblock, but was awake enough to witness those slivers of light. Literally, as it danced across their wings....like the stars light up the night.

Our creator places these things in our paths in hopes that we will take notice, that we will pay attention and send it back out into the world. We are to be receivers and givers. We just have to listen with our eyes and our hearts through all the clutter or we'll miss it.

Life seeking life...that totally happened from my front porch. Photography is like "home sweet home" when our hearts are aligned with spirit, present in the moment at hand, open to the wonder of it all.

Dragonfly Abstract

"The edge of light"

Hallelujah, I think I'm back!
Houston, we have a safe landing . . .

Love, Kim


sharing with Little Things Thursday, Thursday Favorite Things, Friday Finds